Secrets.

I've lived my life telling little white lies,

The smaller pieces of the shameful one that has become my cross to bear. 

Every relationship I've had,

Has been coloured by the secrets that I keep. 

In blood soaked pointe shoes,

I move across the stage.

All you notice from your seats are the graceful movements I've performed a million times. 

That's all you are meant to see.  

You become entranced by the dancer on stage,

And l become entranced by the dance. 

I make a wish on every falling star. 

I scribble a prayer on random notebook pages, 

on scraps of paper,

and mess up the pretty pages of journals. 

Between the drawings of hearts and faces, flowers and butterflies,

Are my heartfelt pleas. 

They are the same desperate words I've written too many times,

again and again,

over and over,

year after year. 

Dear God,

I long for a warm chest, 

Where I can whisper all my secrets 

And rest my weary head. 

Please give me strength,

Release me of this shame. 

I'm so so tired Lord. 

Men fall for her, 

They fall for the carefree girl,

The pretty one with the big brown eyes. 

She laughs and smiles,

And you see kindness there. 

I sometimes wish you could see inside. 

I would take off some layers for you. 

And may be, just may be,

you would stick around. 

But I'm pretty sure you would run. 

And I wouldn't blame you.

I would run from me too. 

If you get too close,

You will notice the blood on my toes. 

The lights will come on as you rise from your seat. 

The crowd will applaud and rush to get back to their cars and the warmth of their homes. 

These hours of watching me dance,

Eventually come to an end.

You grow weary of seeing me after the curtains have closed, 

When my makeup is off and my costume lies in a heap on the floor.

It's never the same as it was. 

If you come too close,

You begin to see my scars,

And the pain in my eyes. 

I look into yours, 

And I wonder if you'll stay. 

Will you run when the tears inevitably stream down my face?

Or will you hold me close?

Will you wrap me in your arms,

and fight for me,

Even after the curtains close 

and I am laid bare. 

I didn't want to tell you lies. 

But I couldn't let you in too close. 

I kept secrets to protect you from me. 

Now that you know,

Will you run, or will you stay. 

I hope you stay. 

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